March 28, 2017

The Gurgler’s Santa Wishlist for 2017

It is not long before Christmas now, and it's about time we put in our Santa Wishlist for what we want him to deliver in 2017.

santa wishlist

It’s Christmas and we’ve only got a little bit of time to get our Santa Wishlist ready for the big man in the red suit.

Have we been good enough? Probably not, but we’re running on the theory that he is checking them as hard as One Nation do for their candidates for the next State Election.

In case he hasn’t checked the database before reading our Santa Wishlist, we are submitting it in the hopes he brings us some Christmas Joy for 2017.

 

Dear Santa,

Given that 2016 brought contests between a douche or a turd (like the US election and Brexit voting) and/or something terribly dull (like the Australian Election or the 2016 F1 season) we’d like to request two things to start with.

Firstly, no elections in 2017. Although we’d miss the ABC’s Antony Green golden predictions and analysis, given the results that turned up in all three major elections in 2016, maybe we need a break to let the world calm down. Malcolm Turnbull did well to clean the Senate out of nutbags to replace them with Derryn Hinch, Pauline Hanson, 77 Vote man Malcolm Roberts and keeping Jacqui Lambie there. Well played sir. And Trump’s election win reminded you of the power of the voter.

On the other hand, Santa, for our Santa Wishlist, we’d like a decent contest for the Formula 1 championship. Having to choose between jerk extraordinaire Lewis Hamilton or the reasonably dull Nico Rosberg to who you least want to win the Championship is boring. Thankfully it looks like Red Bull might step up to the plate. Whilst we’re at Santa, can you make Daniel Ricciardo’s car the faster one.

Now onto the sport.

Having supported the world’s most mediocre sporting team – Ipswich Town – and accepting their mediocrity, can you please ensure they stay in the second division Championship. They are currently threatening to break the cycle of mediocrity by joining the bottom teams out of the division, but as I won’t support a team in the third division, can you please make sure they are safe for next season when’s there hope.

Talking of mediocre and beyond, we wanted to get into the A League in the summer as there was little else on but can never seem to do it. It’s not only because we don’t have time, but because there’s just not enough interest. So big fella, for our Santa Wishlist we’d like Adebayo Akinfenwa to play for one of the A League clubs next year. Don’t care which club, just do it. Just like he threatened to do in the most previous off season. The Beast would be a hit, and it would be everyone’s Christmas gift.

Whilst not mediocre, but underperforming in 2016 we hoped for more from the PNG Hunters this season. If you have any favours left, could you see you way to getting the PNG Hunters to the Queensland Cup Grand Final. But I do thank you for the early present of Willie Minoga returning to the Hunters for 2017.

Daylight savings would be good too, but maybe we’ll have to wait until next year. I know the lounges, cows and curtain will write to you asking for no daylight savings because of the  dangers of the extra hour of sunlight, but it would be nice to have the sun not coming up at 4:30am. To make it happen if we have to split the state into two then that’s all good too. Will help you with the deliveries anyway.

We haven’t asked for much in our Santa wishlist so far, so here’s a few more quick ones.

Can we please have more of Rod Pampling major wins, Sunday afternoon rugby league in Brisbane, another Origin win, and train drivers for QR.

Can we please have less of Michael Clarke, Nick Kyrgios, Shit Reality TV dressed as “Social Experiments”, Channel Nein, Celebrities selling products (especially fragrances), and Michael Slater.

We hope this finds you well Santa.

And you’ve only checked the list once. Max.

Yours sincerely,

The Gurgler

 

 

 

 

About Kaaps Loche 175 Articles
Kaaps doesn’t sleep much, and has a 60inch full HD TV and Foxtel, therefore watches more television than most. is also very strange and has a slightly different outlook on life, so comes up with a lot of rubbish that he thinks is funny and usually isn’t. Out of sympathy, we publish his stuff from time to time. So prepare your sympathy laughs and put that lovely drawing on the fridge for Kaaps.

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