6 Things People Have Ruined – Gurgler’s Six Pack

The Gurgler's Six Pack returns, and we show our grumpiness by declaring six things that people have ruined that annoys us.

Are there things people have ruined that you used to like? Things that used to bring joy, but through one way or another have become something you hate.

Sure, we could blame hipsters, and we probably will. They are an easy target and responsible for ruining a lot of things. But not always.

The question of raising things that people have ruined came from attending a recent function. Every time an announcement was made it was met with one enthusiastic standing ovation followed by another. Then everyone joins in.

Maybe it is just age catching up to an already installed grumpiness.

Either way, we’re still going to bitch about 6 examples of things people have ruined.

STANDING OVATION

The standing ovation used to be for very special achievement. Like a gutsy double hundred on the sub continent. Or a Papal visit. Or the ending of a 15 year sporting career on their last home match.

It has now been cheapened by anyone handing them out willy nilly.

In this current world of everyone gets a ribbon, the explosion of non deserving standing ovations has sky rocketed. As such, mediocre achievement has been elevated to the heights of US Presidents.

Instead of being one of things people have ruined, it’s time to sit your ground and only give the standing ovation when they thoroughly deserve it.

Here is the definition of a standing ovation – “A standing ovation is a form of applause where members of a seated audience stand up while applauding after extraordinary performances of particularly high acclaim.”

This should be remembered when thinking of standing at the next opportunity.

MOUSTACHES

Once a beacon of manliness, has now become either the must have for alleged sex offenders or it is grown ironically.

Only during Movember does it get the respect it deserves. The nods of respect from strangers as they approve.

Think back on some of the most respected moustaches of all time – Allan Border, Magnum PI, Basil Fawlty, Dipper. Men all of them. Respected.

Why can’t it be Movember all year round. Time to take the mo back.

Hipsters have also ruined beards.

FOOD

No longer can be food be simple.

It needs to be deconstructed, reconstructed, slowed cooked, reduced, and drizzled with jus.

Chips aren’t chips any more. They’re Frites.

And loads of ‘slaw.

Masterchef and MKR has created an army of food snobs, and those who don’t enlist are seen as Neanderthals.

Those shows are also responsible for food no longer being able to be cooked or consumed without cameras or crying.

The only decent food show in the world is Man V Food, and he doesn’t need any guormet (MCC spelling) gear or food with a back story. He just eats good, proper food. And shitloads of it. One wonders what the morning after one of those competitions would be like.

Whilst on consuming, thanks to Kevin Rudd for the Alcopops tax which made the great Dark and Stormy, Bacardi Breezers and Pulse Vodka Energy drinks out of reach of the common people.

KHE SANH

A great song which has been ruined by late night karaoke thrashed out by Bogans or strummed and choked to death with backing tape by the performer at the local RSL.

Once a rambling story about the tribulations of a returned Vietnam Veteran actually banned from radio due to “explicit content”. Now a lengthier war cry than the terrific Aussie, Aussie, Aussie. Oi, Oi, Oi.

TIPPING COMPS

Tipping comps are designed for team building and to increase interest in sporting events you would otherwise ignore.

But it seems these days there’s always someone ruining the spirit of it. Either constant whining, or attempting to change rules to suit. Or getting to the stage where you need to run your competition via lawyers first.

It ruins the fun, which is why you create them in the first place.

TAXI RIDES

Thanks to the introduction of Uber, and other semi legal modes of transit, the experience of the cab home from a big night has been ruined forever.

Now that taxis are not the only option after a big night of Guinness on the coffin table at O’Malleys, a real experience of the night out has been lost.

No longer can you get the surly driver who hates his job and you for enjoying yourself. Equally you can no longer enjoy the experience of having to explain where you live because the driver only knows seven suburbs around the city. Alternatively the loss of having to stay awake to ensure the cabbie doesn’t try and take you 15km out of the optimum route and through all tolls will be felt across a great deal of punters.

For shame Uber for providing an alternative to all of them above and giving people a choice. And being another of the things people have ruined.

Have we missed one? Why not add your choice below. You can’t say our website, as we already know it is crap.

About Kaaps Loche 192 Articles
Kaaps doesn’t sleep much, and has a 60inch full HD TV and Foxtel, therefore watches more television than most. is also very strange and has a slightly different outlook on life, so comes up with a lot of rubbish that he thinks is funny and usually isn’t. Out of sympathy, we publish his stuff from time to time. So prepare your sympathy laughs and put that lovely drawing on the fridge for Kaaps.