EPL 2016-17 – A Half-Arsed preview

The EPL 2016-17 is about to kick off, and in deference of the EPL's move to Optus and the half-arsed offering - we return in kind with a half-arsed preview.

It’s a bold new world for EPL 2016-17. With no Fox Sports coverage for the first time since…too lazy to research, one will have to make do with either joining up with Optus or on quality podcasts and publications. Not like ours of course.

Pity Fox Sports allowed the coverage to be stolen, as it shapes up to be another classic. Not only because of new super managers, and the transfers fees paid that would make a small government blush, but it looks an open race this year.

Up to 8 teams could be fighting for the title this year, and we’re all looking for the new Leicester.

Down the bottom looks interesting also, so why not read our full length Relegation preview here.

For everything in between there’s our Half Arsed EPL 2016-17 preview.

BOLD PREDICTIONS FOR  BRAND NEW WORLD OF EPL 2016-17

  • The media will suck up to Jose Mourinho for the first three months of the season, by which time he’s picked a verbal fight with both Pep at Man City and Arsene Wegner, amongst the 5 fellow managers he’s offended.
  • Endless puns using Pep Guardiola.
  • West Ham to be the new Leicester, but not quite the same amount of success.
  • West Ham to also be top of the ladder at Xmas.
  • West Ham to be the top London club.
  • Arsenal, Chelsea and Spurs not to make the top 4.
  • Leicester to be the highest finisher in the Champions League for a UK side.
  • First Manager sacked – whoever Hull hires.
  • 6 Manager changes this year in the EPL 2016-17. 2 of them from Watford.
  • Fans of EPL clubs wondering what the hell the EFL Cup. Only to be disappointed when they found it was the League Cup.
  • Wenger out banners when Arsenal fans to complain about the way the club is run, because it is run the way it always runs.
  • Zlatan to score 25 goals and be named Player of the Year.
  • 2 Players from any club in EPL 2016-17 to be arrested.
  • Hull City, Burnley, Stoke, Crystal Palace and Everton to be knocked out of the FA Cup at the third round.

 

BEST BETS

Here’s a fine selections of our never to be repeated, low, low Best Bets.

HULL CITY – to finish last @ $2.80

MIDDLESBROUGH – Top 10 @ $7

WATFORD – Relegated @ $3

WEST HAM – Top London Club @ $19

HULL, WATFORD, WEST BROM Treble of Trouble (Relegation) @ $41

TOP XMAS DAY – WEST HAM @ $41

 

THE GURGLER’S PICK 20 ARROGANT LADDER GUESS

Don’t say we didn’t tell you when it happens.

MAN UTD
MAN CITY
WEST HAM
LIVERPOOL
————————-
ARSENAL
CHELSEA
SPURS
LEICESTER
EVERTON
MIDDLESBROUGH
BOURNEMOUTH
SUNDERLAND
CRYSTAL PALACE
SOUTHAMPTON
STOKE
SWANSEA
BURNLEY
————————-
WEST BROM
WATFORD
HULL CITY

About Theydon Bois 241 Articles
Born and raised on the banks of Yebri Creek, Theydon Bois has always been obsessed by sport. A stellar career of Underage B sides, RSL Social Golf, C Grade Warehouse and D Grade Indoor Cricket didn’t showcase much talent, but provided a window into the love for any game, any time. Theydon follows as much as he can and will provide opinion, ideas, and best tips and bets for most sports*. A particular interest in English Football sees Theydon Bois up every Saturday night until 2am with two laptops, smartphones, IPad and a radio feed of Soccer Saturday. A lifelong fan of underperforming, mediocre, disappointing teams will not sway his enthusiasm for sport. *Rugby Union not included.