Nothing screams Olympics time than a world famous fast food chain unveiling Olympic Burgers to celebrate.
That Olympic Burger is usually something that is exactly the same as the current version, but with one or possibly two different ingredients.
Usually the addition of Beetroot to make it Australian, that kind of thing.
To celebrate the Rio 2016 games, we unveil our list of alternative Olympic Burgers.
These don’t just add another ingredient to a classic, they are brand new recipes and something new and delicious for you to snack on.
THE RUSSIAN BURGER
Our first Olympic Burger consists of 2 x 1 pound Beef Patties that have “Beefed Up” to the max. Unlike Hungry Jacks our Russian Burger Patties have been injected full of hormones and steroids. The Beef Patties are covered up by the Russian Government and some cheese.
Available only at limited events across Rio.
THE BREXIT BURGER
Our official Olympic Burger of Great Britain starts with 100% pure top grade British Beef.
We then add Spanish Onion, Swiss Cheese, German Mustard, Greek Fetta, and Italian Lettuce.
All inside a fresh Baguette.
We then get rid of all the salad, cheese and the buns, and all that is left is the 100% British Beef Patty.
THE OZLYMPIC BURGER
It wouldn’t be an Olympics without a token Australian joining the Olympic Burgers crew.
Unlike our fast food operations – Gurgler Burger doesn’t just add beetroot or an egg and call it Australian.
For our Australian Olympic burger we take a 1/2 pound of pure expectation, marinated over three or four months. We then add hype and hope, and salad made in slow motion to inspirational music and pack it all into one burger.
It is serve with some deep fried superlatives from Bruce McAvaney and a large Coke.
Beware, this burger usually goes off after swimming has concluded.
THE MAN v FOOD US BURGER
What better way to show USA’s might than with an addition to our Olympic Burgers range that could feed a small country’s representatives.
The MVF burger has 16 all beef all American 1/4 pound patties, all covered with two slices of American cheese. Stuffed inside two deep fried buns is half a kilo of fries with fresh chilli and more cheese.
Served for a limited time with an edible Donald Trump wig on top.
THE “SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH” BURGER
With the amount of Whale Meat leftover from the “research” why not put it in a bun and sell during Olympic time. An Olympic Burgers taste sensation. Or not. Who knows what is really in a Fillet O Fish always.
THE LEFTOVER NATIONS SLIGHTLY UNFAIR STEREOTYPE BURGER
All of the remaining stereotypes are combined into one of the greatest Olympic Burgers of all time.
The meat patty is 100% Horse Meat from Ikea. Next up is efficient German Cheese. How about a deep fried slice of Potato to be sure.
Next up is some Sauerkraut, followed by some neutral Swiss Cheese.
A dollop of salsa is then used to include any of the Latin countries, and avocado covers Mexico too.
It’s all then put on a brioche bun. Brioche.
This finest of the Olympic Burgers is then presented in a box, with a large man with a moustache in a chef’s hat is kissing his fingers. As is traditional for pizzas.