2016 Election Washup – Winners and Losers

The Gurgler review the winners and the losers of the 2016 Australian Election

The 2016 Australian Federal Election has been run and w…..well, it hasn’t been quite won yet, and whilst the nation waits with great interest/mild disinterest for the result, we’re taking a look back at the winners and losers from the giant shindig.

WINNERS

ELECTION FANS
The only bonus of the uncertainty is the hard core fans of the election who may have to do it all over again if we are sent back to the polls to sort it all out. Election Nerds like us here at The Gurgler are already planning their next Election Night Party.

ABC
The ABC proved you don’t need the big names, Karl Stefanovic, Alan Jones or some fancy cartoon graphics to send off the fallen MPs to top the ratings. All you need is Antony Green and a few professionals that don’t talk all over each otherand just a couple of current politicians that aren’t complete nutbags. They easily defeated the commercial networks and had quadruple the audience of Fox News Sky News coverage. Throw in the ABC News 24 viewers and IView viewers and they had over a million.

ALP
Got closer than they probably thought they were going to get, and on the rise. Cherry on top is the NSW Origin style in fighting and blame game on the night and since.

THE RESIDENTS OF OXLEY
Have Milton Dick as their MP for the foreseeable future in the safe Labor electorate.

LAURIE OAKES
For his tie wearing shenanigans, giving two fingers to Sportsbet who ran a market on what colour tie he would wear. Hopefully doesn’t stop the novelty bets from Sportsbet which hare always a highlight for dreary events like these. Nice to know he has a sense of humour too.

ANTONY GREEN
It’s always about Green, and yet another superb display from the finest numbers man in the country.

MIKE KELLY’s MO
The newly re-elected Member for Eden Monaro has the finest moustache in politics if not Australia, and good enough to bring back the mo to the good old Baby John Burgess days and turn around the trend of that facial hair to always be associated with paedophile and transform it into a hipster growth of choice. So bushy and powerful.

2016 election summary

 

 

 

 

 

 

LOSERS

MALCOLM TURNBULL
Has aged in years by as many points as the Coalition have lost in their Primary vote since becoming Prime Minister and may ultimately pay the price for the less than stellar showing. His Election night speech made Bill Shorten look like the greatest leader of all time.

THE AUSTRALIAN PEOPLE
With talk of bringing Tony Abbott back after the poor showing, it doesn’t get much worse for the Australian public who seemed to accept Malcom Turnbull as a necessary evil.

WYATT ROY
The youngest ever MP becomes the youngest ever MP dumped on his arse. One term was enough for the people of Longman. Maybe the people didn’t want to be told what to do by a twenty something career politician.

COALITION SUPPORTERS IN TASMANIA
Have been wiped off the state holding no seats.

THE TERM “BELLWEATHER”
Eden Monaro could officially shed it’s tag of Bell Weather, which will be a shame for fans of Eden Monaro, and who isn’t. And it might be a loss for the people of the electorate as the media will no longer care as it is no longer Bell Weather and as a result no political party will feel the need to make promises.

AEC
Told by respected ABC Election guru Antony Green that their count is wrong. That’s what they get for having a few days off. Slackers.

THE PEOPLE OF DICKSON
Almost voted out Peter Dutton.

About Gerry Mander 20 Articles
With a keen eye on all things news and especially politics after years of serving under Antony Green, Gerry has joined the Gurgler team to give his insights into the upcoming Queensland election.