After a long lay off from The Gurgler travelling around the world as a consultant to the Russian Track & Field team, supplying short game tips to Duffy Waldorf on the Champions Tour and the Pirate Party Senate Team, our resident expert and professor of sport is back to answer your questions about the major happenings in sport for the week or just in general.
His experience around the sporting world makes him the authority on answering your sporting related questions.
Q. Now that it appears Semi Radradra is staying and it’s all about money, do you have any ideas on how we can help Semi make more money out of his cult following and stay in Rugby League.
From Darryl O’Monkeighs, Baulkham Hills
OPTION 1 – First of all is find a new manager, the current one is not doing him that many favours. This can be filmed in a Next Top Model / Apprentice style knockout format made for weeknight TV. The show could be called Semi Formal Interview
OPTION 2 – He needs to upgrade his presence in the homes around Australia, and there’s nothing hotter on Australian shows than reality shows.
Called Semi Charmed Life it features the
Fijian Australian winger doing one of each of the popular types of reality shows for one week at 7:30pm weekdays on Channel Nein. (Can’t get rid of ACA due to the quality of “journalism” – if an Origin can’t budge it, how can a man who can’t play it despite playing for Australia shift it). Here’s how it works.
MONDAY – Semi is in the Kitchen and has to make a three course meal for the kids and parents of Merrylands Junior RL Club.
TUESDAY – Semi has his builder’s belt on as he attempts to renovate the kitchen and bathroom of team mate Manu M’au.
WEDNESDAY – Time for Dancing with the Stars as Semi has to learn and complete three different dances in the 2 hour broadcast, and score a minimum of 20 points from the three judges.
THURSDAY – Semi is given a Briefcase and has to decide between two families from Prospect which gets the $100,000 after spending a week each with them. Filmed in advance and around his football playing.
FRIDAY – For the final reality show – a ground breaking social experiement. Semi will face a selection of centres from the Parramatta NRL side, Mounties Intrust Super premiership, and discards/off contract players from other clubs dressed in full balaclava and combat gear to hide their true identity and they will throw passes at him. The player who throws them the best to his standards will be selected to play inside him for the remaining games in the NRL season.
OPTION 3 – Or, why not share the Semi love around. Instead of a $300,000 contract at one club, Semi’s services will be up for grabs each week, as all 16 clubs representatives converge on The Sports Bar at the Rooty Hill RSL where an auction will take place and Semi plays for the highest bidder.
Broadcast live on the new All NRL channel from 2017, it will give Semi a chance to earn maximum dollars each week. If the minimum of $20,000 isn’t met, then a giant chocolate wheel will be spun and that club must front up with the 20K anyway and Semi will play for them that week.
A camera crew will follow him around as he plies his trade and the show will be called Semi Detached.
OPTION 4 – Or piss off to French rugby. Then come back and play for the Roosters. Guaranteed income.
Q. After another series loss to Queensland, are they any NSA’s for NSW.
From Frankington Stanley, Sunshine, QLD.
A. By NSA, I presume Never Selected Again.
Michael Jennings for a start. He was an 18 point turnaround all by himself on Wednesday, and whilst his best is good, he’s a good times player that does well when the team is on top. He’s also a hog. starving Semi of much needed ball for Parramatta in the NRL.
Would be worth blooding a new hooker for when Robbie “Chuckles” Farah moves to England next year after being dropped to the Intrust Super Premiership by Jason “All about me” Taylor.
You could also make an argument for Greg Bird. And put James Tamou and Blake Ferguson and a few others on notice. Wholesale sweeping changes are not required. Just a Viking funeral for a few.
Q. Was Lewis Hamilton right to complain about the radio in the Baku GP?
From Winnie Blues, Rowville, VIC
A. Funny thing – Lewis Hamilton had this to say “One thing for sure, these drivers they moan so much, so much, about so many things. I guarantee you…” mocking drivers complaining about track. Then when things aren’t going well all of a sudden the radio ban is the worst thing in the world and it’s Moan O’ Clock.
Sure the ins and outs of the radio ban and Lewis’ situation was stupid, and yet another example of F1 decision making delivering something has has zero affect on the overall show, but Lewis shouldn’t be so quick to criticise other drivers for having a moan.
Q. Is Iceland the new Leicester City.
A. Short answer is they could be. Both were rank outsiders to win the tournament/EPL – The Foxes were 5000-1 and the Strákarnir okkar (Our boys) were 150-1. Both teams play in predominantly blue and white. Both Leicester and Iceland have around the 330,000 mark in terms of population. They are only 1 point apart if you use their name in Scrabble. There are 3 Iceland supermarkets in Leicester. So many comparisons, the most noteworthy is their triumph against expectation of failure.
Leicester fought and scraped to stay in the EPL, and then blossomed the next year for their surprise win. Iceland worked hard to qualify for a major tournament for the first time and have surprised so far remaining undefeated, and much to the sulking of Ronaldo, drew with Portugal in the group stages.
Can the Strákarnir okkar kick on and win the whole thing? Of course they can if they get past England. It’s only France then either Italy, Spain or Germany after that. Too easy. By the time the final comes around they’ve already beaten most of the big guns, and can easily beat perennial non achievers Belgium in the final.
If they do, they may need medical help on stand by for this commentator.
SPORTING EVENT OF THE WEEK
WALES v NORTHERN IRELAND in the Euro 2016
SPORTING BET OF THE WEEK
SPAIN to miss a penalty v Italy at Euro 2016 @ $27
VALUE/STREET MONEY BET OF THE WEEKEND
NRL – BULLDOGS v BRONCOS – Last scoring play – BULLDOGS field goal @ $501.