The Gurgler Six Pack of Alternative Olympic Events

The Six Pack is back and this time we are delving into the world of new Olypmic Sports.

The sporting world’s attention will eventually turn to the collection of largely ignored or obscure sports that are conveniently packaged into one event every four years called the Olympics.

Some of that attention will also turn to some of the sports that are on offer and the obvious question of why? Golf, Professional Tennis, Rugby Sevens, BMX Bikes just to name a few. And then there’s the list of new inclusions for the Tokyo Olympics in 2020 – Surfing, Bowling, even Skate Boarding and Wushu. Pffft.

But there’s still time until those Tokyo Olympics, and if some of the above have been chosen to represent the five rings, then why not a few suggestions of our own about potential new Olympic sports.

 

RUGBY LEAGUE

If you are going to have a rugby code at the four yearly shindig, why not have the superior code. Sure unlike rugby union there would be only really two countries that could win it, but that hasn’t stopped the marathon from being interesting. Not even rugby union seem convinced at their own product, by offering up the shortened, slightly more entertaining version instead of the 15 man version. Probably because they struggle to interpret penalties to their own followers let alone another 200 countries tuning in. The Olympics needs some toughening up, and there’s barely a tougher sport than rugby league. Plus any sport that gives Papua New Guinea a better chance to win a medal is a real box ticker for us.

 

MOTOR RACING

An event similar to the Race of Champions would be a real boon for the Olympics. Although we must stress that unlike the Race of Champions the cars must be good and quick, and the venue must be decent too. No Stadium Mickey Mouse bullshit, a real track, and there’s hardly a better track in motor sport than Suzuka in Japan. The format would be similar to the Race of Champions with medals awarded for individual and team events. A simple format too, the first to cross the line wins, no 7.6 or triple tuck pikes to determine the winner.

 

COMPETITIVE EATING

Surely as much to do with sport as some of the other events lined up to take part in future Olympics, and who wouldn’t want to see which country can provide the person that can eat the most hotdogs, pies and seafood baskets. With most sports taking competitors to the stage of throwing up, this event has the same amount of punishing the body, if not more. The only issue is who to run it with both the All Pro Eating and The International Federation of Competitive Eating (IFOCE) the key bodies in charge of the sport.

 

E-SPORTS

Don’t know E Sports? Maybe you should. If the Olympics wants to cover all athletes, then it should open its doors to the cream of the computer gaming community. And what better place than in one of the most technologically advanced places in the world.

 

URBAN BRANDY

Finally the schoolyard games graduates to the adult sporting world (not that kind of adult sporting world) with a last person standing individual competition for both genders, followed by 2 person mixed, 4 person mixed, and 8 person men and women team events. The playing field is either the Yoyogi Park or 10 city blocks in the Shinjuku district.

 

A FREE FOR ALL DRUGS DECATHLON TEAM EVENT

Given the IOC spends a fair chunk of its post Olympics time chasing down drug cheats and handing over medals to the cleaner competitor, why not just create a category that allows for open slather of drug use for those interested competitors and countries. Of course Cycling is a must include, and there’s also various events like Swimming, Track and Field and Badminton. A medal awarded for each event per gender, and the overall winner for greatest drug cheating nation on earth. Although the bookies may not offer a market on that one.

 

 

 

 

About Kaaps Loche 214 Articles
Kaaps doesn’t sleep much, and has a 60inch full HD TV and Foxtel, therefore watches more television than most. is also very strange and has a slightly different outlook on life, so comes up with a lot of rubbish that he thinks is funny and usually isn’t. Out of sympathy, we publish his stuff from time to time. So prepare your sympathy laughs and put that lovely drawing on the fridge for Kaaps.