Dear Channel 9…I have a Parrot in Lebanon that needs a 60 Minutes style “recovering”.

So 60 Minutes crew got arrested and thrown in a Lebanon jail for breaking the law in the pursuit of ratings, pffft as is 60 Minutes has been relevant for years - especially after that Cameron Smith-Alex McKiinon story - maybe it's time to send in another crew for a recovery for hopefully the same result.

As the fallout of the attempted child abduction/recovery/rescue (delete depending on point of view) by the 60 Minutes crew continues, and their stay in a Lebanese jail continues, we see it as an opportunity to request some of the station’s finest to receive the same accommodation and to be rid of them from Australian television screen also.

So, Channel 9, we humbly request the following crew to attempt to bring our treasured Parrot McGoof 3000.

Michael Slater – we could only hope that if any Channel 9 media personality would be thrown in jail it could be Slats. We have no real reason to arrest him in Australia. Although his and his team’s slow destruction of the summer of cricket is nothing short of unwatchable and criminal (thankfully this summer’s Cricket was barely worth watching anyway). So we need him to lead our mission to Lebanon to ensure our Parrot is returned safely of is arrested trying.

Brad McNamara – for every TV crew you’ll need a producer-type, and who better to send than the head guy for the cricket for the Summer of all the reasons above, plus the added involvement in Six and Out. Oblivious to criticism of how bad the cricket has become and ignorant to the many fans quite willing to provide feedback. Don’t believe us and think we’re being hard on the cricket – read this excellent piece from earlier in the summer.

Richard Wilkins – surely no Lebanon jail would be complete without someone asking fellow inmates which designer they are wearing, or providing some Hollywood gossip about people who we really should be ignoring, or which movie we should watch/music we should listen to based on the commercial interests of Channel 9. If Keynotes wasn’t enough for a Lebanon jail, then surely everything since is.

Joe the Cameraman – you need a cameraman to tape the happenings, and Joe escaped real punishment for his involvement in the Scott Muller affair. Although most believe the accusations that it was really Shane Warne, the fact he may have covered up for him sees him on the plane to the Middle East.

Humphrey B Bear – we don’t have anything against the Bear, and to be honest we’d like to see him back in the public spotlight for a bit, but there would be nothing funnier than a giant, silent bear with the standard cartoonish waist coat and hat with no pants being involved in an attempted abduction. The mugshot would also be excellent.

Daryl Somers – if the crew of our mission did end up in a Lebanon Jail, then wouldn’t the inmates love a recreation of Daryl’s excellent new hypnotherapy show. Or maybe some of his outstanding gear from the Hey Hey days.

We can only hope Channel 9 finds our request and sends our requested crew over. We need our beloved Parrot McGoof 3000 back, and if we can’t have that, the same end result as the previous mission would be just fine.

About Kaaps Loche 225 Articles

Kaaps doesn’t sleep much, and has a 60inch full HD TV and Foxtel, therefore watches more television than most.

is also very strange and has a slightly different outlook on life, so comes up with a lot of rubbish that he thinks is funny and usually isn’t.

Out of sympathy, we publish his stuff from time to time. So prepare your sympathy laughs and put that lovely drawing on the fridge for Kaaps.