Gurgler Six Pack – Ways to make the Australia v West Indies Tests More Interesting

The big question in Australian Cricket - outside of how great Brad Hogg will be again in the Big Bash - is how can they get people to the next two Windies tests.

With a the Windies capitulation within 2 1/2 days in Hobart, Cricket Australia are worried about potential crowd figures for the Boxing Day test in Melbourne and the New Year’s Test in Sydney. And they should be, The Windies look barely capable of beating or more enthusiastic than a Sunday warehouse side, and Shaun Marsh’s big century underlines what he can offer when he’s good, and how weak the Windies can be.

Well, maybe they should start with charging less for a lesser quality Test Series to start with. That won’t happen. Maybe they should have played six tests against New Zealand who looked promising at times in their three match series. Or why not just play England every summer.

One Silver lining was that there were only three episodes of the Cricket Self Indulgent Tripe Lovefest  Half Hour The Cricket Show.

Those suggestions are silly enough and may never happen. Our following suggestions are even more stupid and will definitely not happen. But why not we say.

1 – In the tradition of the AFL Grand Final Day sprint, let’s line up one representative from each Big Bash team from around Australia and have eight cricket pitch length lanes marked similar to the Stawell Gift. All entrants have to run the rare sight of a four all-ran and first across the line will win the inaugural Bichel Trophy. To add extra interest for the fans, a players from A League, Rugby League, AFL, NBL and Netball will be fully kitted out in Cricket gear and join the fun. Of course Semi Radradra will represent Rugby League, but the other positions will be open for public voting for three days before hand. Needless to say the race will be run at the lunch break on all days of the Boxing Day test. So that makes three then.

2- How about providing anyone who turns up with a free beer/soft drink and meal. That will at least save fans $18 on the day. Or possibly full strength beer, that’ll make the limited time fly.

3 – If the temperatures are hot, how about sectioning off a part of the grandstands for a giant Slip n Slide. That will prove quite the dramatic ride if taken from the top of the Great Southern Stand, but what a thrill for the fans. Each fans gets three free rides.

4 – Make the Tests as publicly interactive as possible. For instance provide an SMS number for fans at the ground to text to, and the batting line up for Australia will be totally decided by the fans at the ground in advance. When Australia are bowling fans can use the official Cricket Australia Twitter Feed and decide the field placements. Every four overs the bowler who gets the most Facebook Likes will take over. Steve Smith gets no say at, and the public have all the power. But only available for those at the ground.

5 – Fire Michael Slater out of a cannon on the hour. Net optional.

6 – Due to the popularity of Duck from Sarah and Duck (refer to our Person of the Year voting) a giant sized Duck will accompany any Batsman back to the Pavilion after a score of 0, provided seconds of laughter and fun for all involved.


About Kaaps Loche 239 Articles
Kaaps doesn’t sleep much, and has a 60inch full HD TV and Foxtel, therefore watches more television than most. is also very strange and has a slightly different outlook on life, so comes up with a lot of rubbish that he thinks is funny and usually isn’t. Out of sympathy, we publish his stuff from time to time. So prepare your sympathy laughs and put that lovely drawing on the fridge for Kaaps.