Australian Tennis has never been in better shape, for jerks. A new wave is sweeping through Australian tennis with a welcome high tide of churlishness, petulance and boorish behaviour.
But is the current crop of players any worse than their predecessors. Let’s not forget some of Lleyton Hewitt’s behaviour. And was Pat Cash any better? Can anyone remember Kerry Ann Guse or Jason Stoltenberg?
We’ve assembled a group of 16 Australian Tennis players, not all of them are bad or jerks but we need a tournament after all.
It’s time to find out who the biggest jerk in Australian Tennis is. Round 1 tonight – join us later for the next rounds….
BERNARD TOMIC v WENDY TURNBULL
The Bad Boy of Australian Tennis who lives in Monaco vs the All Australian girl who knows Sandgate, Petrie and Coops.
WINNER – TOMIC in straight sets to love.
SANDON STOLLE v ROBERT SMEETS
Both of these gents have ties to other nations. Nothing wrong with Stolle, but he does have an American accent and now resides there. Robert Smeets however was born in Holland but chooses to live in Australia. In Ipswich, where the smeets have no fame.
WINNER – STOLLE – in a Fast 4 one setter.
THE WOODIES v DAMIR DOKIC
The all round nice guys of tennis, against a man who caused nothing but trouble during his years of doting tennis dad.
WINNER – DOKIC by forefeit
PAT RAFTER v MARK PHILIPPOUSSIS
Pat Rafter who failed to get fat and bitter after retirement. Up against anyone who was involved with the Age of Love reality TV show. Surely only a potential winning jerk would apply.
WINNER – POO.
NICK KYRIGOS v RICHARD FROMBERG
A man who sounds like a European cheese vs a man who abuses tennis officials. Easy win here.
WINNER – KYRGIOS in straight sets.
SCOTT DRAPER v THANASIS KOKKINAKIS
Draper was a pro tennis player and golfer – a good chance to be a jerk. But on potential we plump for the new boy who with the example set by his current peers can only be a year away from top class jerk vintage.
WINNER – KOKKINAKIS
PAT CASH v NICOLE PRATT
A hard one this, but like a man who wears a scarf in Brisbane based on the chequered head band, Pat Cash gets through this.
WINNER – CASH
WAYNE ARTHURS v LLEYTON HEWITT
A man of the people, against a man of the people, who didn’t seem to like other people much at times. Calling an official a spastic is guaranteed passage to Round 2.
WINNER – HEWITT
JOIN US LATER FOR ROUND 2 AND BEYOND…….
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