Gurgler Six Pack – Alternative Knighthoods

When Tony Abbott nominated Prince Phillip to Sir in a captain's call, a groan went around the country. Here's a few more that are groanworthy.

So Tony Abbott made himself zero friends with his captain’s pick for Australia’s most recent knighthoods. Hard to argue with Angus Houston, but the selection of Prince Philip as the other has made Tony Abbott as unpopular as possible, with the public and with a sizeable section of his own party. And with Campbell Newman ousted in Qld  and Sepp Blatter booed out of the country he is left to handle the mantra of most dislike leader in Australia himself. Time to announce some alternative knighthoods.

The Gurgler knows about being unpopular, few could match our lack of traffic and interest anywhere in cyber-land. Like Abbott, that won’t stop us giving our opinion, even if no one cares. So, why not nominate a six pack of knighthoods of our choosing, all with questionable merits and achievements. Just like Prince Philip.

So, arise…..

SIR WARWICK CAPPER
The ex AFL superstar, traffic worker, sex tape creator, actor, meter maid, Gold Coast City mayor candidate has done a lot of things, and very few people have entertained like Mr Capper. One can only imagine what damage he could do with a little more exposure (media that is).

SIR GEORGE BRAD HOGG
Yes another sportsman, but who could argue with the current popularity of the evergreen spinner. It would also give WA some well overdue respect and acknowledgment.

SIR ROBERT GRUBB
Unsung, some would say forgotten Australian actor famous for Flying Doctors (who isn’t), and relatively obscure. Just the way we like it.

LADY KYLIE MINOGUE
Few Australians transcend popularity between the UK and Australia, and that is an important link when considering a knighthood. Given the other selections were Dame Edna (not really a woman so may as well select an actual woman), and Rolf Harris (comment pending) Kylie is the safe choice.

SIR BERT NEWTON
OK, not everyone will know or like Robert Grubb, but who doesn’t love Bert. Anyone who survived 50 odds years of show business and with the infomercials on GMA for over a decade has done enough hard yards for knighthood.

PIPPA MIDDLETON’S ARSE
If we’re going to have a British arse as a knight of Australia, why not have one that may raise the twitter profile of Australia and give weekly glossies something to write about. Hard to think it will offend more than Prince Philip.

About Kaaps Loche 214 Articles
Kaaps doesn’t sleep much, and has a 60inch full HD TV and Foxtel, therefore watches more television than most. is also very strange and has a slightly different outlook on life, so comes up with a lot of rubbish that he thinks is funny and usually isn’t. Out of sympathy, we publish his stuff from time to time. So prepare your sympathy laughs and put that lovely drawing on the fridge for Kaaps.