Dr Sportz Answers Your Questions

They said we’d never make it, and that Dr Sportz would be a sporting one-off like Markus Winklehock, Scott Muller or Jesus.

There’s far too much sport and far too many questions to answer from our many fan.

This week, with the Australian Open Tennis set to make Channel 7 more unwatchable than usual, with not only the Tennis but the many, many contestant crying on My Restaurant Rules promos (which should be renamed to make it simpler for viewers to follow – Cook then Cry), we have some of our readers questions lobbed into us (pardon the pun).

What did you think of Fast 4 Tennis?
Thurtee Fortie, Kooyong, VIC

A lame attempt to have a T20 tennis equivalent. It seems like Channel 9’s desperate attempt to grab the new shortened sporting event due to missing the boat on the Big Bash due to lack of foresight, has lead them to believe that this will be the next big thing.

With a promo that included Federer, Hewitt and Phillipoussis, you can hardly blame anyone for not caring. including us at The Gurgler.

Our only suggestion is to alternate serving from right to left handed, allowing only one attempt, reducing games to first to 2 and having five sets. Due to success of the Darts (rioting aside) we suggest a small sponsored hoop in the back corner of the court that if the players gets into they automatically win the game.

Finally, if you want to make Fast Four interesting maybe include an old fashioned pub pool ruling that if you are beaten to love in a game you have to do a pants down run around the court.

 

Is the Australian Open the Asian Cup of Tennis?
Masur Stolle-Fromberg, Ryde, NSW

Excellent question and comparison, and couldn’t agree more.

Like the Asian Cup, many people will tell you how important it is on a world sporting scale. And that you should not just cheer for Australian, but be won over by some 5 set thriller between two countries towards the back of a Lonely Planet guide.

Like most Australians, we will just care about the Australians, until the inevitable Sam Stosur choke against someone with a higher ranking than the current fuel prices, Lleyton Hewitt’s brave 5 set marathon in which he toils bravely without result, and Kyrigos and Tomic promise and promise.

Like the Asian Cup we will try and show our sporting sophistication and try and talk up matches between Petra Kvitova and Kumiko Date-Crumm, Barbora Zahlavova Strycova and Jelena Jankovic  or Alexandr Dolgopolov and Jarkko Nieminen. Like the Asian Cup equivalent of Iran v North Korea no one will really care and you have wasted a lot of time you could wasted here at The Gurgler or following the excitement trail that is the Queensland Election.

Since you’re such an “expert” – who will win the Australian Open?
Ryobi Ninja, Cannington, WA

First of all Ryobi Ninja, f*** you and your tone. You don’t know me.

Secondly, as the above question’s answer shows, I’m not that interested. That doesn’t mean I won’t tip a winner in the hope of jagging something in three weeks time that I forgot I bet on. Lack of interest never prevents lack of investment.

To show how little effort I’m going into for this, I will merely provide three men/women doubles based on familiarity of name plus decent return as I can’t be arsed doing separate form.

RAONIC/SHARAPOVA – $201
FEDERER/RADWANSKA – $101
DJOKOVIC/AZARENKA – $26

 

Got a question or comment for Dr Sportz, feel free to ask or vent below.
Response to question or query will not be guaranteed.

 

About Dr Sportz 68 Articles
Dr Sportz – or his full name Dr Steeden Sherrin Pirelli Brosnan Sportz III – is our new regular contributor and he’s here to answer your questions relating to sport. With degrees in Sports Psychology, Sports Administration and Business, and Diploma in coaching of Rugby League, Cricket and Broomstick Putting we couldn’t have assembled a better person to answer your queries with authority. When Adam Scott nailed his Masters winning putts, Dr Sportz was the man he consulted no less than 2 weeks before. Before his involvement with Dr Sportz Mark Webber had never won a GP and looked likely that the only thing he’d win was the most creative DNF title. More recently it was he who had coaxed career best form out of Mitchell Johnson with his advice on fast bowling. Finally he was the man who introduced Frank Duckworth and Tony Lewis over a discussion of cricket on a rain interrupted break at a local pub. Tip of the iceberg but still impressive those achievements. And we have him exclusive here for The Gurgler Sport.