Welcome to the latest addition to The Gurgler’s line up of stories and opinion – The Gurgler Six Pack.
Each week, or whenever we can be bothered, we’ll take a topic or event out of the esky that we wish to open the lid on and serve up six of our finest servings on the matter.
They won’t be Crown Lager or Crown Larger quality, nor will they be OP Rum above the top shelf quality either. They will be as you expect from The Gurgler – barely amusing, reasonably lame, yet surprisingly obscure or forgotten and hardly relevant to the main topic.
This week it is our Top 6 selections for the upcoming Channel 10 flagship TV show I’m a Celebrity Get Me out of Here. Must be some kind of year for Channel 10 if their big one for the year is a bunch of B – Z Grade celebrities playing around in Africa with a vet and Julia Morris hosting. Thankfully for us, they’ve brought themselves down to The Gurgler’s level. We live in B – Z grade.
1 – WARWICK CAPPER
Surely his previous work on Celebrity Big Brother where he booted off for showing his leading goalkicker is reason enough for an instant inclusion. Other work including a never released movie with Jacko and Bill Hunter, a sex tape, and various other appearances on TV will surely confirm his entry as the top of the class.
Funny thing is that this one appears the most likely of ours to be selected.
2 – BRAND POWER LADY
If anyone can polish a turd and provide the positive it is the Brand Power lady. After many years of pushing inferior and minutely interesting products on the TV masses to complete indifference of that audience, she surely has earned the right to expand her exposure, and provide her fellow contestants with sage advice of the jungle berries and leave they will endure.
3 – MICHAEL SLATER
With word of a cricket superstar we can only hope it is Slats. For many reasons, first is that because this will run over the cricket we won’t have to put up with him for the World Cup. Secondly, as it is a Channel 10 show that means he can never return to Ch9. Another bonus. Lastly Africa is closer to Lions, Rhinos and Hippos than Sydney.
4 – DOUG MULRAY
If we’re talking > B Grade celebrities then how about Doug Mulray. Former radio and TV personality who disappeared well over a decade ticks every box in the potential line up for Africa. Also his love of animals fornicating, as seen in the all too brief Naughtiest Home Videos show, will provide the laughs needed.
5 – REX HUNT
OK, may be getting too Get This with our selections, but given some of his antics (his laneway work and AFL commentary) he is the perfect choice to liven up the camp. Another bonus is his nous with fishing which may prove vital if the proposed diet of beans and rice is underwhelming.
6 – RICHARD WILKINS
Another Ch9 crossover, but wouldn’t you love to see Dick battling the elements rather than talking Kardashians.
– FRANK WALKER FROM NATIONAL TILES
– JEFF FENECH
– COLES O MASTERCARD SINGERS
– ROB PARELLA
– PAULINE HANSON
– FIDO DIDO