Gurgler Six Pack – New Pizza Crusts

Welcome to the latest addition to The Gurgler’s line up of stories and opinion – The Gurgler Six Pack.

Each week, or whenever we can be bothered, we’ll  take a topic or event out of the esky that we wish to open the lid on and serve up six of our finest servings on the matter.

They won’t be Crown Lager or Crown Larger quality, nor will they be OP Rum above the top shelf quality either. They will be as you expect from The Gurgler – barely amusing, reasonably lame, yet surprisingly obscure or forgotten and hardly relevant to the main topic.

It is a punter’s race after all, and we try and give the punters what they want.

Here’s this week’s Six Pack:

NEW PIZZA CRUSTS

If you haven’t seen or heard about it yet, Pizza Hut have released a pizza with corn chips stuffed into the crust. Check it out here. We know what you’re thinking, and you really shouldn’t be doing that, not even in your mind, and also this is not a paid advertisement for Pizza Hut. We don’t believe in advertising, unless someone is paying us money to care.

We just think that there might be 6 better things that could be stuffed into the crust of the pizza.

1- ALCOHOL
Pizza and alcohol usually go hand in hand, like Rum and Coke or Ernie and Denise. So why not stuff the crust with an edible bladder filled with red lambrusco or West Coast wine cooler for a refreshing blast of pick me up to go with the pizza. Also saves a trip to both the bottleshop, which ever the direction of that is, and pizza outlet.

2 – COCAINE OR METH
Make it a big night with a little narcotic stuffed into your crust. It mixes well with melted cheese and is a favourite of the young executive scene.

3 – MEAT PIE
Why not add a little Australian touch and really turn it into a pizza pie. Tongue burning meat pie mince combined with tongue burning cheese topped off with pie pastry and a dash of tomato sauce makes this the ultimate Aussie Pizza Pie.

4 – HALF CHILLI RUSSIAN ROULETTE
Turn your pizza into a game by inserting random Habanero chillies into the crust, keaving luck of the draw to determine which player gets the mouthful of pure heat.

5 – PLAYING CARDS
Pizzas usually mean a good night in with a few beers. Alongside those two is usually some form of gambling, and what better way to see off the time with a few games of Pontoon. All 52 cards are stuffed into the crust to ensure a proper game can be played.

6 – MARSHMALLOWS
Combine dinner with dessert in the one piece of food with the new twist on roasting marshmallows on the fire. It’s a taste sensation. Either that or couldn’t think of a decent sixth one.

About Kaaps Loche 200 Articles
Kaaps doesn’t sleep much, and has a 60inch full HD TV and Foxtel, therefore watches more television than most. is also very strange and has a slightly different outlook on life, so comes up with a lot of rubbish that he thinks is funny and usually isn’t. Out of sympathy, we publish his stuff from time to time. So prepare your sympathy laughs and put that lovely drawing on the fridge for Kaaps.