Gurgler Breaking News – Red Bull Break In – 60 Trophies Stolen

Breaking news over the weekend with the news that Red Bull factory in Milton Keynes has been broken into, and the intruders have stolen 60 of their finest trophies.

Quite what a criminal would need with any of these, let alone 60, does beg the question of the mental state and ability of the criminal/s in question. Sources suggest that this may be a frustrated racer or sportsman have been denied officially by the local Police.

We have however have a list of three suspects that we believe Police are looking into their recent movements.

JEAN-ERIC VERGNE

Having recently been released by the Red Bull junior team Toro Rosso for 2015, JEV has increased the considerable chip on his shoulder seen throughout most of his F1 career thus far.

A lack of trophies during his F1 spell, leads police to believe he has a makeshift podium in his apartment with a wallpapered crowd for effect. This combined with bitterness towards Red Bull make him the number one suspect.

RON DENNIS

Having overseen another awful year with minimal achievement despite having the same engine as the two quickest cars on the grid, Ron, as the boss of McLaren has been struggling for results and silverware in 2014. Another 60 would look good at McLaren HQ.

Also, the continuing drama of whether or not they are going to announce Button getting the arse is starting to weigh down the team. Police believe the break in may be related to the continually extended deadlines to choose the partner to Alonso next year, as to provide a nice distraction for the British F1 media. No doubt if true, the trophies will be on the Red Bull front doorstep the day after Button retires after losing his sport to Magnussen.

MILTON KEYNES ITSELF
Having previous in the field of stolen sporting identities in the brash case of Milton Keynes Dons v Wimbledon Football, police have refused to rule out the possibility of lightning striking twice and that the city itself is behind the crime so it can take over Red Bull Racing and rename it MK Racing Dons.

About Max Layne 224 Articles
Max has no time for long bios, he has only time for sport and then more sport. Each week he tries to sum up what sport has tickled the collective fancy of The Gurgler.