The All New Circling The Drain

The weekly review of sport that is The Gurgler’s Circling The Drain is back after some time off for which we have plenty of excuses.

– World Cup induced coma.
– Put on leave from The Gurgler due to Todd Carney-like controversy in Rum Jungle bathroom.
– Recovery from Luis Suarez bite.
– Attempt from Courier Mail to stop our Qld biased reporting as it is in breach of their copyright for publication.
– Ran unsuccessfully for the by-election of Stafford under The Gurgler’s People party.
– Successful 6 week stint as Neighbours extra perusing over a menu yet never ordering a thing.

Closer to the truth is that we couldn’t be arsed as no one usually  reads it anyways. Hey, we can’t even be bothered proof reading it.

The amount of complaints about its absence was zero, so by popular demand we are bringing it back.

Normally we have highlights and lowlights of the past week, but since we can’t remember when this last was published , we’ll take a trip back recent memory lane at the Winners and Losers.

WINNERS

GERMANY – Winner of the World Cup with plenty of goals including the biggest pant pull-down in World Cup history.
FIFA – Will take their cash caboose back to Switzerland and hide for another 4 years periodically popping up to pay themselves, and allow Sepp Blatter to embarrass himself and the organisation.
TIM CAHILL – Not only the best Australian player at the World Cup despite playing just 2 games, but probably the best Football Australian player ever. The only man who looks like scoring, and one of those was above the top shelf.
MEZIT OZIL – Realised unlike most professional footballers that he is well paid for a job that millions would want to do for nothing by donating Wolrd Cup to Brazilian children.
DAN RICCIARDO – As our own Perry Thrust wrote in his GP round up – Dan is the real deal. Outqualifying his illustrious 4 time champion team mate at most GPs, showing plenty of racing prowess and winning his first GP. The roller coaster ride that was Webber is well and trulli forgotten.
“A” CRICKET – Despite misgivings about the term “A” for a second XI side in this nanny state of political correctness, the games at Allan Border oval were a welcome winter treat.
WAYNE BENNETT – One of those lucky people who get to come back to their old job with a nice pay increase.
RORY McILLROY –Is Britain’s Rory McIllroy again after being Northern Irish for the last few tournaments. Won the British Open at a canter and only 1 more to complete his collection of majors at an age lower than most Saturday golfer’s handicaps.
MARK MARQUEZ – Only winner in Moto GP this year with 9/9. Add 7 Poles and 7 Fastest Laps and it’s domination like no other in world sport right now.
MERCEDES F1 – Go close to most dominant sporting entity. The occasional blip shows they are human, but will still win both titles at a canter.

LOSERS

BRAZIL –
Saved their worst World Cup defeat for the second biggest stage at the World Cup in front of their adoring fans. There were tears after making the semi finals, and plenty more on the way out. Ironically and probably on purpose were the odds for next World Cup in 2018 set at 7-1.
ENGLAND FOOTBALL – Hosed down expectations before the tournament, yet the disappointment produced must have surprised even the most glass half-empty fan.
OTHER FOOTBALL TEAMS – Russia for allowing more Capello World Cup boredom/misery. African teams who argued over money instead of worrying about the game. Spain who never made it our of the third round.
LUIS SUAREZ – Rewarded for third biting escapade with a many million pound move to Barcelona.
NRL – For allowing the rubbish truncated NRL rounds to drag out over 10 weeks over Origin period.  Guess that’s what happens when you sell your soul to Channel 9.
BLACKPOOL FOOTBALL CLUB – Currently have only 8 players to start the new season. A good way to build on last year’s slide from Top 6 to near relegation.
PADDY KENNY Former Leeds goalkeeper sacked for wearing number 17 against new owner’s suspicions.
FELIPE MASSA – Despite having the equal or outright second fastest car in F1 he is being outperformed by his far less experienced team mate, and manages to find accidents along the way.
FIFA – Just because.
TODD CARNEY – Lots of things aren’t good ideas when drunk, thankfully a few years ago phones just made calls.


BEST
BETS

We’ll sort out how to waste your money as well as your time.

About Max Layne 268 Articles

Max has no time for long bios, he has only time for sport and then more sport. Each week he tries to sum up what sport has tickled the collective fancy of The Gurgler.