By Max Layne
So it’s come to this, all the sports in the world at full flight and weekends reclaimed by lounges everywhere.
Main interest is the US Masters which unfortunately falls one week shy of the Easter break meaning work will get in the way of the final round. Them’s the breaks I guess for living the high life.
Could be worse, you could be an Indian cricketer whose car or house was burnt down after losing T20 final. Now there’s some critical fans.
Plenty of other stuff going on too, and who better to highlight it than the Gurgler. Well, there’s probably many better, but since you’ve already stooped this low you may as well let us tell you.
To improve your experience, please imagine John Deeks providing the voiceover for our article.
The STABILO BOSS HIGHLIGHTS OF THE WEEK – brought to you by Silvio’s not Dominos Pizza.
– Matt Jones’ monster putt to make it 4 Aussie winners on the tour this year and book a ticket to Augusta.
– Daniel Ricciardo being “faster than Vettel” and finishing 4th from 13th on grid. Webber who?
– Bahrain GP in general was a vast improvement on previous editions.
– Sri Lanka beating India in T20 and we tipped it correct for a change.
– Russell Ingall’s quality spray at the stewards of V8 Supercars
– Stephanie Rice retiring from swimming. Now just needs to retire from TV. And Twitter. And Facebook.
– Oxford beating Cambridge by 11 lengths in Boat Race.
THE “ABOVE THE TOP SHELF” PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEK
Australian Womens T20 Winning Side.
A standing ovation to the Southern Stars who not only did something Australian men couldn’t do and win the T20 World Cup, but at the same time give English Cricket one last kick with the saltiest of shoe.
Some of the very best.
GRAB THE PLUNGER – brought to you by SUPERMARKET SWEEP
Mundine Fights – the result is not yet known, nor does it matter. When he decides to take on someone serious and win, and stop whingeing about how no one likes him, then we may start caring.
Close behind is F1 Pastor Maldonaldo. At least the Lotus is too far back for him to run into the important front runners this year.
INTERMISSION – This Week’s Golf Flavoured Features
THE MIGUEL ANGEL JIMINEZ SHOW aka THE US MASTERS
– US MASTERS – if you can only stand to watch one golf tournament of the year, and let’s face it that’s most people, then the US Masters is probably the one. Or the British Open. Or any Skins tournament. Most of the mainstream focus will quite rightly be on the Australian charge to win the tournament for a second year, and with good cause for hope. Previous winner Adam Scott looks good, and we have 4 PGA Tour winners in the field, and with the drought finally broken what price a run of victories for the Aussies.
But we at The Gurgler aren’t interested in main stream, which is why we hope The Mechanic aka Miguel Angel Jiminez is in the top 10 all weekend. Due to the heavily biased TV coverage which usually shows only Tiger Woods, Phil Michelson and some of the top 10, the only way we’ll get to see the infamous cigar smoking sporting giant is with some quality golf from the man. No matter the odds, it won’t stop the token bet.
Here’s the rest of our tips for the Augusta tee off – brought to you by every person who shouts “you the man” after every tee shot.
MIGUEL ANGEL JIMINEZ – Win $151 / Top 10 $12 /Top 25 $3.75
JASON DAY Win $13
RYAN MOORE Win $81 / Top 10 $5.50
LOUIS OOSTHUIZEN Win $51 / Top 10 $4.50
ERNIE ELS – Lead 1st round $81
V. DUBUISSON – Lead 1st Round $81
UPCOMING WEEKEND HIGHLIGHTS – presented by Joe Scuderi Menswear – the all rounder in fashion.
– Football in all forms
– US Masters above
– FA Cup semis – can final Arsenal beat Wigan to make the final against Hull of Sheffield Utd and win a trophy. We’ll see.
THE BEST BETS OF THE WEEKEND
Last week – AWFUL and GOOD – AFL/QRL 1/5 a piece – Winterbottom won a race at Winton at good odds not the first though – but Sri Lanka won T20 @ $3.50
AFL Multi $40
MELBOURNE +37.5 start v Carlton
BRISBANE +19.5 start to half time v Port Adelaide
WEST COAST + 22.5 start v Geelong
NORTH MELB to beat Sydney
FREO – 9.5 start v Essendon
QLD Cup Multi $16
REDCLIFFE to beat Souths Logan
NORTH. PRIDE to beat Easts
CENTRAL to beat Norths
MACKAY to beat Burleigh